It doesn’t matter

The blog expresses my personal opinion.

I hope you are enjoying the Scavenger Hunt as much as I do.

I have been reading during the first week of the hunt some great posts and discovered some interesting websites.

This week’s theme is: Mother to Mother support

I was going to compile a list of things women have found helpful and passed on at La Leche League meetings and in the Breastfeeding cafes I run (see under ‘Breastfeeding’ for times and places if you are in London). I discovered that there is already a blog about it, so decided to look at it from a different angle.

Everyone wants to help a new mum (especially if it is the first baby): Your partner (if you have one) – your family – your friends – Health professionals – and strangers on the street.

And while this is wonderful and often very helpful there is an aspect that turns the much needed support into something complicated or hurtful. The problem is that you know, that the advice or suggestion came from the right place, then why is it making you feel bad or guilty?

One reason is that you are running on instincts (you can find more about this in the section ‘article’) and coming from this place your needs are quite different.

When there is a problem or people think you need more help, they often listen to you with the aim to find a practical solution. Therefore they are in the left (cognitive – thinking) part of their brain; consequently they come up with advice and practical solutions – which can be helpful and just what you need – and most of the times it misses you by miles and makes you feel un-heard; not listened to (which adds to the hurt).

Your instincts are not run by logic; add to that Oxytocin, which makes you work with the right (creative) side of your brain, it is perfectly clear that you communicate on different levels, therefore missing each other.

Maybe you wonder now if you are doing something wrong or if nature got you wrong…


This is how it is meant to be, because your baby is communicating with you from an instinctual, right brain level.

How could you understand and meet your baby’s needs if you were communicating from a different place?

The problem is that we are in our society so far removed from the understanding and knowledge of these things, that it can take you a while to reconnect with it and trust that your instincts are right.

I wish you all the best on your journey as a mother/parent. Feel free to leave a comment or ask questions.


Lactation Consultant IBCLC and La Leche League Breastfeeding Counsellor
Gestalt Counsellor

Other websites who joint the hunt you might find interesting:

Dispelling breastfeeding myth:

The secret life of Kate:

Ponderings of a Doula:

Smiling like sunshine:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.